Magic Knight Psycho
by Dayglo
Summary: The story of three insane convicts, destined to become the legendary magic knights...
1. Boy, we have problems!

Presented in Onigirl-o-vision!!!  
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Disclaimer: this has ideas copyrighted by CLAMP which i stole and i used with   
babbling incoherent characters in the place of normal well adjusted ones.   
My favourite character in any Disney movie is the Mad Hatter!!! Why is a   
raven like a writing desk? i'll tell ya why... ya couldn't sell either of   
them on a dusty sunday noon in Disturbo, Illinois  
  
If you find this fanfic offencive, you're a sissy and i don't give a flyin'   
leap! Tell it to the freakin' cows.  
  
All characters are creations of my own sadly disturbed mind   
except Zagato, who keeps buggin' me to put him in a 'fic. He's   
one of the many people in my mind, along with his older brother.  
His older bro will be there too.... ^_^ (his brother, R.R.P.)  
  
Spelling is for jercks!!!!  
  
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Magic Knight Psyco!  
Episode 1: Boy, we have problems! I'm Sorry, that's incorrect,   
Your title _must_ be in the form of a question.   
By the one dubbed dayglo   
  
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(Scene: A cloudy day at Tokyo tower. There are groups of people milling   
about, most notabley a group of people in all white outfits, followed by   
heavely armed guards in black suits and dark glasses. They are   
not the men in black, they are asylum guards. Several crazies are talking.)  
  
Crazy: Why do we have to have our day trip at this boring,   
linear place. Hey is that a handgun...  
  
LoonyToons: Yeah this bites. Ne, Ikaruhe?  
  
Ikaruhe: I LOVE this place! I can see all the gremlins (who are   
trying to steal my soul) from here. They look like green   
ants!   
  
Justplainnuts: Ikaruhe has finally... gone off the deep end!!!   
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha aha ha ha... I slay myself....  
  
Ikaruhe: Oh Noooo!!! I ran out of change for the telescope!!!   
Now the demons will get meeeee!!!! AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH-- huh?  
  
Uufe: Here ya go (hisssss) now you can keeep watching the   
(gurgle) demons...(begins foaming at the mouth)  
  
Ikaruhe: Hey, she's from that fancy prison that only highly   
paid politicians go to!!! If I wernt so darn crazy, that's   
where I'd be!!  
  
(Ikaruhe goes after her but, because coffee stunted her growth,   
she is blocked by a crowd of hunchbacked midget hermits.)  
  
LooneyToons: Wow that hermit is really pretty... prettier than   
a model!  
  
(see why they call this one LooneyToons?)  
  
(Just then, a bright light flashes and Uufe, Ikaruhe, and the   
hermit are sucked through the floor)  
  
Mysterious Voice: (desparately) Please save my earth! Ledgendary Magic   
Knights!!!  
  
(Just then a bunch of glowing lawyers 4 Viz Video come out of   
some wierd portal (to the land of bad dubbing, no doubt) and   
whisper a bunch of stuff to the Mysterious Voice who sighs and   
quickley relents.)  
  
Mysterious Voice: (muttering) Stupid lawyers... You give me stupid voice   
then pull this crap? You get yours later! (back to pleading voice) Help   
save our world! Ledgendary Magic Knights!  
  
(Uufe, Ikaruhe and the hermit are suddenly transported to a   
magical world. As they fall through the sky, they see an ocean   
streaching as far as they can see in that direction, a mountain   
floating in the sky, and a volcano. As they fall screaming,   
they land on the back of a big fish.)  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
(Scene: a large chamber. Zagato is standing in the middle of   
it, staring at an image of the 3, a slight smile on his face.)  
  
Zagato: Hmm... these magic knights may not be children like the   
last ones, but they look incompetent enough... they will never   
save the "princess" this time.   
  
Mysterious Voice: (from other room) This better work, or you never see   
light of day again!  
  
Zagato: Yeah, yeah.   
  
(From above him, Zagato hears banging, smashing, etc. He   
picks up a broom and bangs the end of it against the ceiling.)   
  
Zagato: Shut up!!! Oh, I HATE living in the same home with my   
brother. If only I had enough money to buy a nice home in the   
city, maybe with a few window boxes...  
____________________________________________________________________  
  
(Scene: The three weirdoes are on the fish. It carries them to the   
ground and they land on a large plateau. Ikaruhe begins to   
scream hysterically.)  
  
Ikaruhe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!   
The gremlins finally got me and dragged me to their world!!!   
They'll kiiiiiillllll me!!!!!!!!! AAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
Oh, what a cute fish... it looks just like my brother...   
  
Uufe: [The urge to kill is returning] We should (gurgle)   
introduce ourselves. (foam)  
  
Miuhe (the hunchback): I'm a hermit. My name is Miuhe. I   
don't like people.  
  
Uufe: I'm Uufe. I live in the Bistrenstein Maximum Security   
Facility, with 23 life sentances. My friends call me "Slasher".  
  
Ikaruhe: I'm Ikaruhe. I'm from the Cinsrtone-Raymond Asylum   
for Zenophobia and Yeliophobia ( C.R.A.Z.Y.).  
  
Miuhe: You're a psyco?! No way!!!  
  
Uufe: But you're so normal looking!!!  
  
(Suddenly, a guy who has a patch over one eye jumps down from a   
higher cliff, landing right in front of the three.)  
  
Lefce: Arr, me mateys! So ye be the Magic Knights from the   
other world. What could the captain be thinkin' sendin' such   
weirdoes to do a pirate's work. Arr.  
  
Miuhe: Who are you calling wierdoes? You're the one who   
thinks he's a pirate.  
  
Lefce: Arr, I be a true pirate. (He lifts his robe to reveal   
a wooden peg leg.)  
  
Ikaruhe: If you're a true pirate, you must know where we are.  
  
Lefce: Arr. Ye be in Cephiro. Someone must have   
summon'd ye to do the work o' the magic knights.  
  
Ikaruhe: Magic Knigts? I can finally beat those nasty gremlins!   
  
Miuhe: I just want to get back to my decrepid shack, have a   
bowl of cabbage soup, and go to sleep.  
  
Lefce: Arr, but Cephiro must be in trouble. Ye must become the   
magic knights and save it, or we'll all end up in Davy Jones'   
Locker.  
  
(He realizes that Ikaruhe is the only one listening, while the   
others are begging the giant fish to take them home. He   
un-summons the animal, and Miuhe and Uufe sigh sadly.)  
  
Lefce: Arr, ye be not listin'. You can't return home.  
  
Ikaruhe: What?!!!  
  
Lefce: Arr, did a catfish eat yer ears?! I said ya can't go   
home! Arr, ye a bunch of landlubbin' id'iots!!!  
  
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} 


	2. Insanity! Fun with matches, the pyro sto...

Presented in Dayglo-o-vision!!!  
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Disclaimer: Here's the same CRAZY disclaimer as last time!!! so if you have   
any brains at all, you should know it already! Read the frikkin' story!!!   
this fic has ideas copyrighted (maybee) by CLAMP which i stole and   
i used with babbling incoherent characters in the place of normal well   
adjusted ones. My favourite character in any Disney (or Carebears) movie is   
the Mad Hatter!!! Why is a raven like a writing desk? i'll tell ya why...   
ya couldn't sell either of them on a dusty sunday afternoon in Disturbo,   
Illinois.  
  
If you find this fanfic offencive, you're a sissy and i don't give a flyin'   
leap! Tell it to the freakin' cows (Hi Laura! I used yer saying! Of course,   
why am i saying this to you? you're probably at a Marylin Manson website   
right now!).  
  
All characters are creations of my own sadly disturbed mind   
except Zagato, who keeps buggin' me to put him in a 'fic. He's   
one of the many people in my mind, along with his older brother.  
His older bro will be there too.... ^_^ (his brother, R. the R.P.)  
Actually, there are two other copyright characters, but I can't tell you   
who... yet.  
  
Note to Americans: Any and all measurments will be given in metric. If   
you don't know the metric system, you suck, because THE REST OF THE WORLD   
HAS FIGURED IT OUT. I hope you're happy when you're an old fogie and you   
can't even get your perscription right 'cuz you don't know the easiest   
system of measurments on the whole frikkin' PLANET!!! Get a grip.  
  
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Hello, I'm your (un)friendly neighbourhood narrator. Ha ha! But   
seriously, I don't live anywhere near you. Unless you are   
Catherine... get the h*ll out of here you Hanson-freak!!! I'll   
kick your *ss, you sick-*ss weirdo. Ahem. Anyhoo, in the last   
installment, our crazy friends (Ikaruhe, Uufe, and Miuhe) were   
on a day trip from their asylums/shack. They were transported   
to a strange world, where they met a mysterious sea captain who   
was saltier than the sea. If you need to know more, read the   
last chapter, dumb*ss. Here we go...  
  
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Magic Knight Psyco!  
Episode 2: Insanity! Fun with matches, the pyro story?(uh oh...)  
By the one referred to as dayglo (I like to par-tay doon)   
  
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(Scene: The three crazies, with Lefce, are still on the plateau which   
the flying fish dropped them on.)  
  
Lefce: I said ya can't go home! When ye come here by socerer's magic,   
ye canna go by yer own sailin' ship!  
  
Miuhe: [grumble] Are ye- you saying I am stuck here forever?!   
With all these *people*? In a world without my shack and   
cabbage soup???!!!  
  
Ikaruhe: [quietly] So long as the gremlins don't find me...  
  
Uufe: [hissing and foaming] My parole hearing is tomorrow   
(foam). I have to get out to (hiss) find... mother (gurgle).  
  
Miuhe: I have to set up the traps tomorrow...  
  
Uufe: You trap? (foam) After my parole hearing, I can come   
help. (hiss)  
  
Miuhe: As long as you stay out of my way...  
  
Uufe: Can I bring my (hiss) gun?  
  
Miuhe: That might come in handy if we see any trespassers.  
  
Lefce: [brandishing a knife] AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Ye best   
shut up, afore I rip the ears offa ye heads!!!!  
  
Ikaruhe: Are you SURE there's no way in?... I mean out! Out!  
  
Lefce: Thar is one way...  
  
Uufe: You've (foam) been holding out on us! (hiss)  
  
Miuhe: You may be taller than me, but I can set traps to catch you!!!  
  
Lefce: Yarrrr, ye be calmin' down afore I tells ya squat!  
  
Ikaruhe: Please show me the way... to go home.  
  
Lefce: Ye must save Cephiro.   
____________________________________________________  
  
(Scene: that large chamber from the last chapter. You know,   
the one with waterfalls coming down from the ceiling? Anyway,  
Zagato is standing in a different part of it, a slight smile   
on his face.)  
  
Voice #1: Whuz Up, Homie Z?  
  
Zagato: There are more magic knights in this world. They have   
just arrived.  
  
Voice #2: Like, no way!  
  
Zagato: The Princess is doing a great job. Our plans are working   
well.  
  
Voice #3: There's 3 of them right? We should send 3 of us as an   
away team! Heh heh heh, away team.  
  
Zagato: If we did that, we'd win, stupid!!!  
  
Voice #2: Well, duh squared.  
  
Voice #1: Man, Z, your plans are weak!  
  
Zagato: Shut up!!! Do you want to keep your jobs?  
  
Voice #1: Yeah.  
  
Voice #2: Whatever.  
  
Voice #3: Affirmative, Captain. Heh heh heh.   
  
Zagato: They cannot use the Mashin. They're all HALF-WITS!!!  
[He starts to laugh and cry at the same time]  
  
Voice #2: I don't get it. Like, what are we trying to do?  
  
Zagato: [ignoring the last comment] They are now with Cap'n   
Lefce.  
  
Voice #1: You mean that wack little pirate dude?  
  
Voice #3: I have a very bad feeling about this...heh heh. Heh.  
  
Zagato: Cionealhe... you must take care of this problem.  
  
Cionealhe: [puffing on a cigarette] Zag, hon, I'll leave as   
soon as General Hospital is over.  
_____________________________________________________________  
  
(Scene: The large plateau from before.)  
  
Ikaruhe: I remember, right before we left, the voices in my head   
were interrupted by a woman's voice. She started talking just before   
we left...  
  
Uufe: I (hiss) heard my mother's voice as well... it told me to-  
  
Miuhe: "Help save our world, legendary Magic Knights"?  
  
Uufe: [with an evil expression] Actually, it said (foam) "Kill them,   
kill them all."  
  
Miuhe, Ikaruhe, Lefce: ...  
  
Uufe: [snapping out of it] Of course, ha ha, it might have said what   
Miuhe said it, uh, said (hiss).  
  
Ikaruhe: I heard the same thing. [quickly] I mean, what Miuhe said!  
  
Lefce: [scratches his head] Yarr. Ah still don't really know why yer   
here tho'.  
  
Ikaruhe: [muttering] I don't care why I'm here, as long as the gremlins   
are gone.  
  
Lefce: Ye see, the Magic Knights of the Legend arr said to be the   
saviors of the world in a time of stormy weather...  
  
Miuhe: What the bloody hell are you talking about?  
  
Lefce: Yarr, pull the turbot from yer ears! Ye got te understand mateys,   
Cephiro isn't in that thar stormy weather no more. Ah don't understand   
why ye came here! One of the most pow'rful sorcerers in Cephiro musta   
summoned ye by sheer will. Ye see, Cephiro is a land controled by yar will.  
  
Ikaruhe: (thinking) If I have magic powers, I can finally fight those   
gremlins on a level killing field! Or is that playing field...? (outloud)   
How can we become Magic Knights?  
  
Lefce: Arr, first ye be needin' some armor...  
  
(He grasps the edge of Miuhe's shroud and examines the material. Miuhe gives   
a shriek and jumps away from Lefce, screaming.)  
  
Miuhe: Nooooooooooo! I was *this* close to setting the world record for   
longest time untouched by another human hand! I was going to get the Order   
of Wise Hermit!!!  
  
(Miuhe begins to beat Lefce senseless, which isn't much of a stretch.   
Ikaruhe interrupts by knocking Miuhe over the head with a stone.)  
  
Lefce: (muttering) Arr. I'm startin' ta think armor's a bad idear.   
  
Ikaruhe: (impatiently) Can I have my magic now?  
  
Lefce: (defeatedly) Yarr, but ah doubt it'll be very pow'rful.  
  
(Lefce concentrates on his staff (okay, piece of driftwood). There is   
no result. He curses and bangs it on a tree. A tiny wisp of smoke comes   
out of it and swirls around Uufe. He hits it against the tree again, and   
a tiny flame comes out the end. It floats shakily over to Ikaruhe and   
disappears before making contact with the pcycopath. Finally, after   
several more bangs against the tree, ground, and a nearby boulder, a few   
tiny drops of water, much like a leaky faucet, fall out of the "staff"   
and make a puddle on Miuhe. The water quickly dissappears.)  
  
Lefce: (astounded) That's amazing...  
  
Ikaruhe: Because each kind chose us?  
  
Lefce: No. Because ah found this peice o' wood on ma beach!  
  
Uufe: I can use thisss "magic" to get even with (foam) *mother*.  
  
Lefce: To tell ya the truth, ye didn't get any destructive power. Ye   
got the power of wind, a healer.  
  
Ikaruhe: NOOOOOOOO! Now I can't kill the gremlins!  
  
Lefce: Ye stupid moron! Ye have the pow'r of fire, so ye can destroy   
things.  
  
Ikaruhe: Really?  
  
(Ikaruhe looks around and suddenly gasps at seemingly nothing.)  
  
Ikaruhe: I see you there, gremlin!!! (shoots a fireball that is about   
the size of a quarter. A small black hole is blown about 3 cm into a   
nearby tree.) Sweet!  
  
Miuhe: (groggily) What happened... (notices Lefce is still around) I'm   
not through beating you!!! (somehow shoots a thin stream of water at Lefce.   
The water cannot even reach Lefce, and ends up splashing at his feet.  
  
Lefce: Yarr, ma squid-catchin' boots! Ye be walkin' on thin ice, sailor!  
  
(They begin to argue again, but are interrupted by a small, ugly monky-  
like creature who comes running out of the forest. It is Po, on her scooter.)  
  
Ikaruhe: AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GREMLINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Ikaruhe jumps behind a rock in fear)  
  
Po: Fi-dit! Fi-dit!  
  
Lefce: I don't know what the sea bass ye just said!  
  
(Po jumps off her scooter and runs toward Lefce, whispering something in   
his ear.)  
  
(Ikaruhe rises from behind the rock, with a determined look.)  
  
Ikaruhe: No... I won't let you hurt me anymore.   
  
Uufe: Ikaruhe, (hiss) what are you doing?  
  
Ikaruhe: (screaming) DDDIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Ikaruhe shoots a fireball at Po. Although the fireball is only the size   
of a golf ball, it hits Po in the stomach. Po stares at Ikaruhe with a   
look of wonderment, before being engulfed in flames. The flames die quickly,   
but Po is gone. Lefce stares in horror.)  
  
Lefce: YARRR! DO YE REALIZE WHAT YE'VE DONE? That was one of the last remainin'   
Teletubbies in Cephiro! AND SHE WAS ABOUT TO TELL ME THE THIRD SECRET OF   
HONEYCOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HOW THEY GET THE CARAMEL IN THE CARAMILK BAR!!!!!!!!!  
  
Miuhe: The third secret is great honey taste.  
  
Uufe: (foam) They put the caramel in before presssing the top halve and the (hiss)   
bottom halve together, after filling the top half with (hiss) caramel and (foam)   
they melt the two together.  
  
Lefce: Arr. Then, nevarrmind it.  
  
(Suddenly a huge explosion takes place behind Lefce, knocking he and the Magic   
Knights to the ground.)  
  
Lefce: Curses! It looks like war bein' attacked!  
  
Cionealhe: (coming from the forest) This job sucks. (takes a drag from her cigarette)   
Are you all the Magic Knights?  
  
Ikaruhe: AAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! THE GREMLIN QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Uufe: Mother (hiss)?  
  
Cionealhe: Attack of the Second Hand Smoke!  
  
(She breaths out an enormous cloud of second hand smoke, which surrounds the   
Magic Knights and Lefce. They all begin to cough.)  
  
Lefce: Arrrr, Magic Knights! Yee must go see Resiape, she will make yer weapons!  
  
(He conjures up a giant flying peice of driftwood and Uufe, Ikaruhe and Miuhe   
stare at it critically.)  
  
Lefce: What be ye waiting for, mateys? Hop on!  
  
Ikaruhe: I'd rather fight the Gremlin Queen than ride on that rickity looking peice   
of junk!  
  
(Lefce points at the peice of wood, and it scoops up the three Magic Knights, who   
shake their fists at him as they fly away.)  
  
Lefce: Yee all tell Resiape I sent my greetings!  
  
$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$  
  
End of Episode 2 


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